Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Self-blame are Modern Symptoms of Primeval Survival Instincts
Common self-sabotaging and self-harming practices, such as procrastination, perfectionism, or ghosting others, may appear destructive and purposeless, but may actually have a logical evolutionary explanation.
Outlined in more detail in Charlie Heriot-Maitland’s new book Controlled Explosions in Mental Health, the clinical psychologist and author explains how self-sabotaging behavior stems from our brain trying to protect us from unpredictable harm, as it’s wired for survival, no matter the cost.
To break out of these vexing habits, understanding their origins as survival mechanisms and adaptations to past life experiences may help reduce self-blame and enable us to break the cycle.
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Wired for Survival, Not Happiness
Unfortunately, our brain’s main goal is not to make us happy, but to ensure our survival. That means the best-case scenario is for it to exist in a predictable world, without too many surprises, Heriot-Maitland explained in a book announcement.
To make a controlled and predictable situation out of unknown (and thus threatening) circumstances, the brain sometimes resorts to questionable behaviors, all in the name of protecting us.
“Our brain would rather we were the arbiter of our own downfall than risk being floored by something external. It would rather we were well-rehearsed in receiving internally created hostility than risk being unprepared for it from others,” he said.
Because we are hardwired to spot danger everywhere, not just physical, but also emotional, we operate with a “highly sensitive threat-detection and threat-response system.”
Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Self-blame for Protection
So, how does self-sabotaging present today, in a world without many physical threats like lurking saber-toothed tigers under the canopy? Most commonly, it shows up as procrastination, perfectionism, and self-criticism.
Perfectionism and procrastination are often presented as two sides of the same coin. Both distract our attention from important and potentially threatening tasks, either by hyper-focusing on trivial details or by avoiding a pressing task altogether to sidestep failure. Many are also familiar with elevated self-criticism; by constantly blaming ourselves, we hope to regain a sense of agency.
A common result of self-sabotaging behavior is the creation of self-fulfilling prophecies, where negative expectations influence behavior and, ultimately, the outcome of a situation.
“If we think we are not very good at something, we may not try our best and then end up performing worse than we would have had we made a different prediction,” Heriot-Maitland explained. “Or if we think someone doesn’t like us, and we avoid them, then our fear of rejection may have stood in the way of creating a relationship.”
Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Criticism
One way of breaking the cycle is to recognize that these destructive behaviors have a protective origin, supported by millions of years of neuronal evolution. “Controlled explosions” are often linked to difficult life experiences from our past, and by repeatedly expressing them, they become a way to shield us from a deeper wound.
However, this doesn’t mean we should simply accept self-sabotaging behaviors and move on. Heriot-Maitland instead proposes that, in order to reach the psychological “core,” we need to switch gears and become more compassionate with ourselves, a process that takes time.
“We don’t want to fight these behaviors, but nor do we want to appease them and let them carry on controlling, dictating, and sabotaging our lives. There are choices we have here.”
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